5 Sports Fixes

Five sports fixes that should occur immediately:

1 – Eliminate the extra point in football.  Completely worthless play.  The game is already long enough with all the replays, why keep a play that is not interesting at all and has a 99 percent success rate?  Seven points for a TD, or you can take 6 points and go for two.  Fixed.  Done.  Next.

2  - Touchless icing in the NHL.  The NHL is the only place that touch up icing still exists, raising injury risk and just being completely needless.

3 – Install more instant replay in baseball. No sport has more blown calls that can be clearly rectified by replay.  The games are already, what, four hours?  What’s another ten minutes to get it right?

4 – Speed up, already. Speaking of slow baseball games, keep the batter in the box and let’s have a pitch every fifteen seconds, minimum.  Rules to speed up the game already exist.  Enforce them. 

5 – Eliminate flopping in the NBA by calling a technical foul for obvious flops.  The NHL penalizes flopping, the NBA should follow suit.  You should not have to fall down to draw an offensive foul.  These are grown men, probably the best athletes on the planet, let them bang and get the Miami Heat, I mean floppers, out of the game. 

I just made the entire sports world better in about six minutes.  Don’t you feel better?  

5 Phrases to Retire

We've all heard them.  We've all said them.  But it's time to take a close look at these phrases so they can be retired once and for all:

1 – “At the end of the day”  You hear this one a lot with business talk.  It’s a summary statement.  “At the end of the day, sales will still be on the plus side.”  Well, at the end of the day, I’m sick of hearing this phrase.  This is a slight improvement over “When all is said and done,” which also needs to die.

2 – “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”  Everyone knows this is a nice way of saying “I’m breaking up with you and we’ll act like we can still be friends for a few awkward weeks until we’ve both moved on.”  So just cut to the chase and don’t hide behind this cliché. 

3 – “Stayed within ourselves.”  This is meaningless sports jargon.  “Played within ourselves” is the cousin of this phrase.  Someone explain what this means.  I think playing outside of yourself would actually yield better results, or better yet, play out of your mind.  When a guy hits six shots in a row, he’s “out of his mind!” or “unconscious!”  That’s like the opposite of staying within yourself.  So that one has to go. 

4 – “Chomping at the bit.”  This has to go because it’s incorrect, okay?  It’s “champing” at the bit.  I promise.  There, I did that one for you. 

5 – “You know what they say” This is usually a precursor to some pearl of wisdom.  “You know what they say, don’t pee in the wind.”  The phrase is disposable, since you’re basically going to tell me anyway and I’m not even sure who “they” is in the first place.  So just skip right to “Hey, don’t pee in the wind” and save me a precious few seconds.  

You have any phrases you hate?  You have any good alternatives to my little list here?  Sound off in comments.